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I realized afterward that what I wrote could be interpreted that way. It's not how I meant it. No intentions of having an affair. What I am cognizant of is gaining back respect from my WW. It's clear she has no respect for me to do what she did and I need that to change regardless of whether we R or D

This is the problem. You think you don’t have her respect because of how you are.

I don’t dismiss maybe there is some of that. But your wife doesn’t respect you because she doesn’t have it in her to do so. She doesn’t even respect herself (the affair is evidence of that).

This is what I mean. You are bending towards someone with a skewed perception and issues within herself that cause her to react to her external world the way she does.

Honestly unless there is a profound issue we don’t know about with you, I wouldn’t waste bandwidth on jack shit when it comes to earning or changing anything from your wife. (Different when you have decided to R, but at least then you are trying to meet a healthy persons request)

Your bandwidth needs to be geared more towards the statement you made the other day. Why have you accepted her behavior? Was the gist of what you were saying. The more you can examine those things is the best use of your time and energy. Those kinds of changes will be the things that make you your best self in a relationship.

If she works on herself she will become capable of meeting you more than halfway. I had complaints about my husband that after doing work on myself I can see a lot of it was 75 percent or more me to blame for my own complaints.

As my perceptions changed that’s when remorse came because I could finally see just how much I had heaped in someone who did not deserve it.

And honestly maintaining that boundary will command respect. But let’s put it this way, you still work to treat her with respect whether she deserves it or not, right? I mean sure you make snide remarks here or there but honestly there is a very good reason for that. You still choose that, it’s on her to choose the same.

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[This message edited by hikingout at 11:57 PM, Wednesday, August 17th]

Well, thank you. I'm happy to know you don't view my posts as obnoxious..again..still? Lol

She felt a disconnect with other posters.

Let's be honest..she never really gave anyone a chance. She was very much treated with respect,kindness,and compassion on her thread.

This is the problem. You think you don’t have her respect because of how you are.

I don’t dismiss maybe there is some of that. But your wife doesn’t respect you because she doesn’t have it in her to do so. She doesn’t even respect herself (the affair is evidence of that).

This is what I mean. You are bending towards someone with a skewed perception and issues within herself that cause her to react to her external world the way she does.

Honestly unless there is a profound issue we don’t know about with you, I wouldn’t waste bandwidth on jack shit when it comes to earning or changing anything from your wife. (Different when you have decided to R, but at least then you are trying to meet a healthy persons request)

You're right. It was more of a curiosity than a possible behavior change to appease her--it's also what is keeping me cautious of a path to R. I have a fear of forgiving her and her thinking less of me for it in some subconscious way. This is not a major thought it my head and probably not relevant--I asked you the question without much intent as I was interested in just how warped your perspective as a new WW may have been.

Your bandwidth needs to be geared more towards the statement you made the other day. Why have you accepted her behavior? Was the gist of what you were saying. The more you can examine those things is the best use of your time and energy. Those kinds of changes will be the things that make you your best self in a relationship.

Yes, and that is tied to my first post today regarding the source of my kink. I suspect there's more for me to dig in that area.

If she works on herself she will become capable of meeting you more than halfway. I had complaints about my husband that after doing work on myself I can see a lot of it was 75 percent or more.

Well FWIW, after the resentment talk last night that I described earlier today, she agreed with my assessment. She recognizes she needs to change her thought process.

Well, thank you. I'm happy to know you don't view my posts as obnoxious..again..still? Lol

Well, if you really want to pick at that old scab, let's provide some context. You wrote this to me less than two weeks after my D-Day:

HellFire (member #59305) posted at 3:58 PM on Sunday, March 27th, 2022

So I assume some of these women you've been messaging over the last 2 decades have been married.

Now it makes sense that you don't want to tell the OBS.

You've been an OM. Probably more than a few times. You don't feel bad for their husbands, or feel their husbands deserve to know. Therefore, you don't feel the OBS of your wife's OM deserves to know. These OBS are merely objects, not people.

You came in hot with a *strong* assumption. And you were wrong. On a topic that was entirely irrelevant to me in a moment when my world was on fire.

I thought it was an obnoxious post then, and in context, still do now. However, as I mentioned in my earlier post to you today, I let that kind of stuff roll off my back. I didn't think about it a second longer than my response and I'm glad you didn't take my response to heart and stop contributing to my thread. I enjoy reading your posts; we just got off on the wrong foot.

Let's be honest..she never really gave anyone a chance. She was very much treated with respect,kindness,and compassion on her thread.

In large part she was reading posts in my thread and took them all as people being mean-spirited, either toward her or me. When she read HikingOut's post, it was the only time she felt differently. That doesn't make my WW right, it is just something I noted and it framed how I thought of HikingOut moving forward. In a time when I genuinely didn't understand who my wife was, HikingOut was a window for me.

[This message edited by Drstrangelove at 2:13 AM, Thursday, August 18th]

I am glad you are seeing what I meant in that last post. I just had a thought to add to it to kind of tie a bow:

You are not in control of what your wife does. You can’t control if she respects you. This is another reason the effort is futile.

Your power is in what you can control. Use that as a litmus test and you will find the boundary lines much easier to build. Healthy relationships have boundaries.

Lastly in that topic, this smells a little like blaming yourself for the affair. That is something to also work through as part of our collective "focus on yourself campaign". It was her choice to disrespect you, no one deserves an affair. If she couldn’t respect you, she should have divorced you. She chose an affair because she wanted her cake and to eat it too. Even if it was a exit affair that still applies.

Now that you have posed the question differently to me about respecting my husband, I will answer differently. You asked if I respected him in some way for having the affair. And that was a no.

But did I respect him for taking me back? I mean I had three years of believing he had done just that. I admired him beyond belief, I couldn’t believe after what I put him through that he found grace in his heart for me. It was the biggest gifts and I felt I could never repay it. After denying to myself that he really loved me for so long it was crushing to see how wrong I was about that.

I still have some of those feelings even though they were damaged pretty severely by his affair. Remorse over what I did never left, it was more the gift hadn’t really been given.

But what I lost for him there, he gained in the work he has done and still does since his affair. He has not had it easy.

The gift of reconciliation is one a remorseful person would not take lightly. You need to see that right now you are the prize she should fight tooth and nail to win. Not the other way around.

[This message edited by hikingout at 1:06 AM, Thursday, August 18th]

You need to see that right now you are the prize she should fight tooth and nail to win. Not the other way around.

This has been interesting to observe. There was a point a couple of months ago where that feeling overwhelmed my WW. We were on the family trip to Disney World and she was very emotional about how fortunate she felt that I let her come on the trip with the family. I thought I saw real remorse for a bit.

I also see a conflict in her to move passed the affair though.

Her instincts seem to keep telling her that the fortune she felt is over--it was a one time thing and it's already happened--so why keep feeling grateful. Then we get into a incident like the other week where she sees our marriage is still on the brink and she becomes very emotional again. I suspect a part of her blames me for that--like I'm giving mixed signals. She'd never say this, but it's a feeling I have that she's thinking: "He forgave me and took me on the trip two months ago and now he's angry with me again--what gives?"

Things have settled down finally though--we're less on edge and the damage from the other week isn't overwhelming our day-to-day anymore. We're back to being functional.

MC is tomorrow and we haven't gone in two weeks--it has a way of bringing anger to the surface for her (rarely during the session; often later in the day). There's also a lot of potential topics we could dig into. We probably need to give the MC a brief rundown of what happened the other week, but after that, we could go a few different directions.

I think you are right. She does think that trip was a signal for it to be over. Denial and bargaining. She doesn’t want what she did to be as bad as it is, nor does she want the consequences, or the longevity.

In that phase I probably was going off of what I knew of couples who survived affairs and probably vastly it came from the tv. I didn’t even know what trauma included, it just seemed like mostly people were mad a while but got over it.

It doesn’t mean I was unaware of how wrong it was to do, but I definitely thought I was looking at a rock rather than a boulder in terms of recovery. It helped me see the validity by reading bs stories here. I would read a lot in just found out especially.

Hello Doc,
I have read most pages of your story since you first posted on Just Found Out. I will say that some of the posts are so long that my eyes sometimes glaze over. However, I am a very old man so keeping my attention is sort of a problem these days.

I seem to recall a number of pages ago where you mentioned you had ordered the book "Cheating in a Nutshell" by Wayne and Tamara Mitchell. The best book written I could find just how a Betrayed person experiences the devastation thrust upon them and how they react to it... vomiting with disgust, etc. That book should be in the Healing Library on this website, but that is not my call.

Anyway, their chapter number 7… "Risk"… should be one you pay very special attention to in your journey out of infidelity. That chapter really resonated with me since my advanced studies were in Risk Management and I spent most of my working adult years as a risk manager supervising other risk managers who were assessing hazardous situations. Every infidelity interaction with the Wayward is just that… a hazardous situation. Back in the day Risk was defined as "Chance of Loss", and Hazard was defined as "any situation which increases the chance of loss".

My opinion is that after discovery, for the Betrayed, every interaction with the Wayward has a possibility of being a Hazardous Situation. Just one word or action by the Wayward has the possibility of triggering and creating more hurt and more "loss" for the Betrayed. That is what has happened in your situation when your wife berated you for not finishing when you two were having sex. That set you back after you had a couple or three weeks of peace. Every interaction your wife has with you, in her subconscious mind, has her walking into a hazardous situation. I seem to recall you said that she is fearful of saying or doing something which will trigger you to divorce her.

(By the way, I dislike the term "Wayward". To me that connotes someone who wasn’t paying attention and took the wrong turn. In my mind that waters down what they did or is currently doing. In my mind I always think of them as what they really are… cheaters or adulterers. But that is just me.)

Back to the chapter of "Risk" they use the old situation of the risk management teaching situation of the "Linda problem" to show how the occurrence of two events is less likely to happen than the occurrence of only one event. How the occurrence of three events is less likely to happen than the occurrence of two events, etc. That is a great way to do Risk Assessment. They gave this example of how someone who has been cheated on should write down exactly what has happened to them, and what they want to happen for a favorable outcome:

.. My partner cheated.
.. My partner cheated, is staying with me.
.. My partner cheated, is staying with me, is sorry.
.. My partner cheated, is staying with me, is sorry, is now honest.
.. My partner cheated, is staying with me, is sorry, is now honest, won’t do it again.
.. My partner cheated, is staying with me, is sorry, is now honest, won’t do it again, I’ll get over it.

The person doing the Risk Assessment can add as many occurrences as they wish. They just need to be aware that each time they add another occurrence that the probabilities of all occurring drop almost existentially.

Doc, like you, I have always been a binary, black and white thinker. A person like us do especially well in assessing situations before acting. We tend to lay back and carefully watch others.

Therefore, I am suggesting that you get some quiet time and create your own "Linda Problem", because, at times, I get the impression that what you want to happen changes with her statements and reactions. You say you want to see some things from her before you commit to reconciliation. I could be wrong, but I don’t recall seeing exactly what you want her to do or say… other than develop empathy. But I could be wrong about that. In my opinion, a person’s ability to develop consistent empathy could take years to achieve.

Just thought I would give my own two cents to your situation after reading more than 100 pages.

Take care.

⬆️⬆️ this is what I've tried to tell him in about every post I've made.

I believe, him being Type A its very difficult to let life happen. With age that becomes a bit easier for us Type A people.

He continues to light the road for his wife and she continues to use the light to manipulate him. He loves her, that is the most obvious thing you get from his posts, so he is a bit blinded by her manipulation and sees it as growth.

He continues to light the road for his wife and she continues to use the light to manipulate him. He loves her, that is the most obvious thing you get from his posts, so he is a bit blinded by her manipulation and sees it as growth.

I completely agree.

lrpprl, the risk chapter in "Cheating in a Nutshell" resonated with me most as well. I've made and discussed a variety of lists over the last five months, but truthfully, they evolve as I understand myself more.

Dkt3 is right: I love my wife. The realization last week that my WW did not love me--even though it was something very obvious--really took a lot out of me. Most people can relate to the feeling of unrequited love--and it's awful. And that's my life right now.

From my WW's perspective, she loved me, then she stopped loving me, and now she loves me again. I don't think she's being manipulative; I think she's lost. Where she is right now in her life, she's not capable of loving me, nor has she likely ever been capable of loving me.

She'll have to work through those demons for years. In the interim, it's simply a matter of if we can fake it until she makes it. Can she stop hurting me so we can maintain our lives?

We discussed that for the full MC session on Thursday. My MC came to a significant conclusion for herself in the process. Previously, she looked at my WW's actions as emotional immaturity that she was trying to guide her through. Now she sees us as a couple struggling with emotional abuse--and she was honest in that MC is very ineffective for couples with abuse and violence involved.

The MC felt future abuse by my WW was inevitable and she suggested my WW move out of the house for a bit. The advice was along the same line of advice give over the months here: separate now for a chance to save the marriage in the future.

I can't really relate to my WW or how that must have felt to hear. She's been rattled for days. Ultimately, I'm putting the decision on her. If she's abusive again, she's moving out on my terms, so if she wants to do it on her terms, she'll need to act before it happens again. I don't think she'll do it though--she's both terrified of that outcome and has a false sense of security that she can control herself.

We had an interesting exchange on the drive home from MC though--I made the situation clear to my WW and told her moving out now could be for the best, but it's her call. My WW replied: "I think I understand what you're asking though: you just don't want me to make you feel small in bed."

I paused for a bit--I knew her assessment was wrong, but I recognized I needed to be more precise in my direction if she was going to have a chance at this.

Ultimately, I told her that she needs to stop demonstrating that she doesn't love me. We talked about it at length then and again last night (I was gone all day Friday and Saturday with friends). I need her to lead with love in *every* interaction she has with me, even when the love is unreciprocated by me.

She's going to struggle with that--she already has in my view since the talk--but if she can keep that as her guiding light, it should be virtually impossible for her to be malicious in an interaction. And that's what I'm asking for. I recognize it's impossible for me not to be hurt; I'm too vulnerable right now and that's on me, not her. But there's a line between malice and misstep and the incident from a few weeks ago was clearly malice.

**

I also want to share a story from the weekend with my old college friends, who I sadly don't get to see very often anymore (we're all living scattered around and have family priorities). I had an awesome day with them on Friday and was planning to stay last night as well. But yesterday afternoon, we had an incident.

On Friday night, most of us left the bar around 1:30 a.m., but one friend was insistent on staying--a couple of us stayed back with him. The next afternoon, an exgf of someone in our group of friends (wasn't there though) blasted my friend on social media. My friend is married with two kids and sent her wildly inappropriate texts from the bar, telling her how hot she was and how much he wanted to have sex with her. It was like 30+ unanswered drunken texts plastered on Instagram.

My friend went into panic mode the next day, trying to prevent his wife from seeing them. He was going to call the other wives that knew and try to talk them down to maintain the secret. The situation hit me hard.

I pulled my friend aside and let him have it for about 30 minutes. I was hard on him, but I led with love and he recognized that. I let him know what I was dealing with--the first friend I've told--and told him where his path was heading. He didn't seem quite as lost as my wife, but the justifications were there: "We're having marriage problems," "I don't even remember the texts I was so drunk," etc. It was all bull shit.

His father abandoned him when he was three years old (fled the country) and it's messed him up his whole life. He's been in IC for years, but it hasn't helped--he struggles with anger, alcohol and unhappiness. I told him another man will be raising his kids if he doesn't unfuck himself and the only way to start was to come clean with his wife on the incident. I hope he heeds my advice.

It all crashed through my fantasy getaway and I decided to get out of there and get home to see my kids before they went to bed. But I'm reflecting on the weekend--about eight of us our in the thick of things with multiple young kids; the other three are either just married or about to be married and all looking to have kids in the near future. The juxtaposition is so drastic--the cracks are very present for all the guys with kids and the others are so hopeful and happy.

It made me realize I'm not alone and that I have no reason to feel embarrassed about my failing marriage.

But it also made me realize that my marriage is still savable if my WW can get her head out of her ass. Nothing changes though--I'm still just going to observe.

We have MC again on Wednesday and then our solo vacation is on Thursday.

[This message edited by Drstrangelove at 1:33 PM, Monday, August 22nd]

Doc. How do you plan to differentiate between figuring out whether your WW has returned to loving you versus her pretending to love you due to fear of D, being a single mom, being negatively judged by others, etc.?

I mean she obviously convinced you all of your married years that she loved you, including the six months prior to her A, when she said she stopped loving you. She obviously knows how to act the part of being a loving wife. Fooled you quite well.

Advice you’ve been given, and have embraced for a while now, is to observe your WWs actions. However, actors are great at creating fictional, yet highly believable, actions.

Does it simply boil down to ok, she’s no longer malicious in words snd actions towards you, I can’t truly tell whether deep down it’s real or contrived, so I have to assume it’s real?

I recognize it's impossible for me not to be hurt; I'm too vulnerable right now and that's on me, not her.

"I recognize it's impossible for me to dodge his fist or absorb the damage as to not be hurt; I'm too slow and weak right now and that's on me, not on him." Does that sufficiently demonstrate how utterly absurd this sentence sounds?

It is not on you to accept emotional abuse without complaint or feeling hurt. It is not your fault if you feel hurt from something which was meant to hurt you. It does not matter if she has malice when doing it or not because the affect is the same - you get hurt. If my spouse had an uncontrollable condition that causes him to slap me in the face every now and then, it is not my responsibility to learn how to take it just because he can't control it and doesn't mean any malice by it. The same goes for her and what she does.

The thing about emotional abuse - and I'm speaking from lifelong experience here - is that you will never stop being vulnerable to it once you've experienced it over an extended period of time. The best case scenarios I have seen of people being resistant to it have been when they set boundaries quickly after the first instance and/or remove themselves from the person who is doing the abuse. You can recover if your WW stops the abuse but you will be no more less hurt if it starts up again in the future and sadly you also won't necessarily be better equipped to handle it and sufficiently remove yourself from the situation if you keep thinking that being able to ignore it without consequences is the goal. Asking why you believe yourself responsible for feeling the pain caused by the abuse is part of the work you need to be doing on yourself. Why a future in which you don't respond to or feel badly about the abuse is preferable to divorce also needs to be answered.

Hi Doc,

It was really painful to read where you came to the realization that she doesn't love you. It has been decades since I had that feeling, but I still remember it sometimes like it was only yesterday.

I have no suggestions at this time other than to just hang in there the best you can for the sake of your children and yourself.

Best of luck to you.

[This message edited by lrpprl at 1:16 PM, Monday, August 22nd]

Dude and Nekonamida, I think I can cover a response to both of you at the same time.

I'm being hurt by things that are objectively not my WW's fault. She can do or say something that triggers me because of my vulnerable state while she is being entirely reasonable.

I'll use an extreme hypothetical to make the point: if I asked my WW for oral sex and she said no, I might feel hurt because of how eagerly she gave AP oral sex. Is she being abusive? Of course not. But it might make me feel unloved, which I'd say is my key trigger right now. But that's on me.

My point is that I'm flooded with waves of sadness and hurt all the time. The only difference between now and a few months ago is that they affect me less. I'm not going to take that pain and blame her for it if she's seemingly doing what she can to comfort and support me.

As for how I can tell what I'm observing, you're right she had me fooled, but the question is for how long. It gets complicated trying to understand if she was ever capable of love--and that depends on if we shared a definition for the word. There was certainly a difference in her behavior with me in the months leading up to the affair and the affair itself--I did not identify it as her no longer loving me, I identified it as her developing unhappiness and keeping me at a distance (both were true).

Now I'm over-sensitive to all of this though. I can tell the difference between her leading with love and self-preservation.

She says she loves me now--I don't think she does, but I do think she wants to love me. Now she needs time to do the work to make that possible. What I'm saying is that if she wants to share a home with me in the interim, she needs to stop emotionally abusing me with malice. There's a massive difference between how she hurt me a few weeks ago in the sex incident than there would be in the oral sex hypothetical I gave at the top of this post. Malice is everything for me.

** Posting as a member **

Did you not, very early in your postings, tell us about being rejected by someone you had a crush on and then bedding all her friends? Was that a refusal to deal with the pain of not being loved when it came up 20 years ago?

And you write about being a sub. Does that come from a sense of not being loved?

And now you are turning yourself inside out because your W doesn't love you. Your problem with this may very well be exacerbated by a long run of believing you're not loved.

Many of us point out that WSes don't know how to love themselves. That applies to many, many people who are simply not taught to love themselves and supported in doing so.

Do you talk about that in IC? If not, what's keeping you from raising this core issue? I doubt you'll be able to resolve your issue about being loved without face-face, real time discussion and action. Posting about not being loved will most likely just keep you trapped.

Hi, Sisoon; I hope you're doing well.

Did you not, very early in your postings, tell us about being rejected by someone you had a crush on and then bedding all her friends? Was that a refusal to deal with the pain of not being loved when it came up 20 years ago?

Your memory is correct. My first experience with the feeling of romantic love, as a teenager, was unrequited; however, in retrospect, it's obvious I didn't love the girl--it was infatuation. She did hurt me though. She knew I really liked her and she leveraged that for attention and validation. After she made it clear to me that she didn't have romantic feelings for me when I was 18~ years-old, I changed my appearance. I don't recall it being a conscious effort--it was just something that kind of happened and I became significantly more attractive.

So then I went back to my hometown that summer and the situation had changed. I could have gotten the girl then, but at that point, I didn't want her. I flipped a switch in my brain and stopped caring about her. I slept with all her friends because I could--and it felt good to have that feeling of revenge on her. Not only couldn't she have me, but all her friends could. I hurt her; it was juvenile behavior from me.

But I do agree with your assessment that I did it to avoid the pain. I've dealt with a few other relationships that way--there was another girl I thought I loved in college who I cut out of my life entirely. It came to a point that her being a part of my life was too difficult for me, so I have an ability to flip a switch inside and just stop caring about the person--now years later, I'll see her post on Instagram and be totally happy for her. I just couldn't do that then--I needed the time to subconsciously process it and move passed the pain.

And FWIW, I think I'm doing the exact same thing right now with my in-laws. I went from loving them like family and feeling they loved me like family to now not caring about them at all. I think that's me processing the pain. From a practical perspective, I recognize if I R with my WW, I'll need to face that issue head-on, I'm just not spending mental bandwidth on it now.

I talked about my way for processing pain in relationships gone wrong during MC last session and the MC seemed to think my approach was fine (which surprised me a bit)--she framed it as that's just how I deal with it. I haven't talked it through in IC yet because my IC has been on vacation this month and I won't see her again for another two weeks. I do plan to discuss it though.

And you write about being a sub. Does that come from a sense of not being loved?

I don't know. I suppose I don't consider myself a sub, but I clearly have sexual fantasies that revolve around a submissive role. I don't feel that pull in other areas of my life.

I suspect that my sexual kink likely is sourced from that teenage girl situation and simply emerged years later, but perhaps it goes back further. I will say I don't *recall* interest in sexual submissiveness until I was 22 or so, and by that point I had many sexual partners, but no long-term romantic relationships.

If I look back at childhood, I did feel neglected by my mother, who seemed to prioritize work and friends over me/her family in terms of her attention and interest. We have a good relationship now, but it didn't flourish until post-college.

And now you are turning yourself inside out because your W doesn't love you. Your problem with this may very well be exacerbated by a long run of believing you're not loved.

Many of us point out that WSes don't know how to love themselves. That applies to many, many people who are simply not taught to love themselves and supported in doing so.

Do you talk about that in IC? If not, what's keeping you from raising this core issue? I doubt you'll be able to resolve your issue about being loved without face-face, real time discussion and action. Posting about not being loved will most likely just keep you trapped.

It's interesting because pre-affair I felt very loved--by family and my wife. I still feel very loved by my family, but obviously familiar feelings of unrequited love now plague me with regard to my WW.

I appreciate you making these points though and I intend to flesh these out further in therapy. I also do find value in writing about it--I don't think it traps me, but rather provides me with additional self-awareness.

I was thinking something along the same lines as Sisoon. At some point, perhaps because you believe you're not loved or not worthy of love, your needs stopped mattering as much as your partner's which is why you have a long history of accepting the unacceptable from your WW and taking it on as your own responsibility to do better as a way to stop or limit the emotional abuse. I suspect some of that is still at play if you think your WW has zero accountability in your sensitive and vulnerable state. Everyone is sensitive and vulnerable after infidelity. I'd argue the same is true after prolonged emotional abuse too. She does have the right to turn down oral but you also have the right to feel hurt about it at this stage. Doesn't mean she needs to do something she doesn't want to but she doesn't get to deny you those feelings or be angry at you for having them right now. Understanding that you have a right to your own feelings which may result in you being upset, moody, etc. because of her prior actions seems to be a disconnect with her.

What has her reaction been to being told she is abusive by the MC? Anything besides nervous and fearful about how this might impact her? I'll be honest, I'm not at all impressed by her thinking it's just about how she talks to you in the bedroom.

Can you explain how you felt loved by your wife,before the affair?

What did she specifically do,to make you feel like she LOVED you?

I'm not trying to be argumentative. I'm just genuinely interested, and a bit confused.

She has said she didn't love you,for quite awhile,before the affair started. Yet,you believed she loved you.

That tells me she is very good at going through me motions. Very good at putting on an act.

Edited to add: You were correct. I reread that post of mine,and I was obnoxious. Terribly so. I sincerely apologize.

[This message edited by HellFire at 7:34 PM, Monday, August 22nd]