SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have a very long (22 years to be exact) story with lots of twists and turns. Has infidelity and also has some swinging stuff. I am in a very low spot right now but not sure if this is the right website to air this out. Not looking for the "well what did you expect" judge mental comments. It’s a long story and we are not wild people. Just trying to figure out how to make a marriage last forever even when human nature comes knocking. Anyway, I am new here and just testing the waters before I spill my tea.

You will get a lot of posters in the "I told you so" category, but there are members here that contribute regularly that are/were into that lifestyle.

I’m not into swinging and am not interested in that lifestyle in MY marriage. I do know people that are/were into swinging and seemed to do so successfully (in the sense they are still married).

The key to ALL infidelity is that something is done outside the expectations or accepted rules of the marriage. If a couple decide to swing, have an open marriage or whatever then as long as the activities are within what the couple define… it’s not infidelity.

In my recollections most posters that were into swinging or an open marriage and then end up here on SI are here because EITHER the rules were not defined OR the defined rules were broken.
For example: A couple might agree to swinging, but that it’s only done at events – like organized parties or dates with other couples. They might define what’s allowed – like no kissing or no emotional attachments. For those that define those rules and stick to them… it might work. The posters we get here on SI tend to have caught their spouse outside those rules.
A typical scenario is the husband sharing that his wife is meeting someone she originally met at a swingers club/event without his knowledge. She might claim that it’s "just sex" but they are meeting for dinners and she’s keeping it secret. Even in an open marriage and/or swingers, that would be infidelity.

To echo Bigger, I think you might get some 'what did you expect,' but I think a lot (most?) of us who post pretty much ...how can I say this?... pretty much honor the right of adults to make their own choices. I think most of us understand that open Ms are vulnerable to cheating and that being betrayed is excruciating.

My reco is to read a good sample of the threads here to get a sense of how people respond. If you like what you read, post; if you don't, move on.

I hope we can help you. If we can't, I hope the next site you find is what you need.