SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm 4 days in from finding out that what I thought was an emotional affair/kissing was a full blown relationship with lots of sex behind my back. I just honestly don't know how to deal with this I feel like I'm dying on the inside it's the worst pain I've ever felt. How do people get through this? I'm sat at home waiting for the kids to come back home as they are with him and I'm just going out of my mind 😔 i can't eat or sleep or function no matter what I do. Will this get any better or is this just it now?

Selenite, what you are experiencing is normal. This is TRAUMA in a big way. We are not exaggerating or using hyperbole. This is a big deal to your system. So you are in shock. And it takes more time than you want to get through this stage.

I’m sorry the TT was the worst kind - and what we always suspect. Cheaters are so original with their minimizing.

Go back to basics.

Get exercise daily, even if just walking around the block 10 times. It helps get some of that nervous energy out and helps you sleep.
If you can do more, do more.

Eat healthy food and drink lots of water. Avoid alcohol and drugs. Again, protect your sleep and your body. This kind of stress is damaging to our bodies, so do what you can to keep it nourished. And alcohol / drugs may offer temporary relief but ultimately make things worse. Ask me how I know.

Get your feelings out. Journal. talk -IC can really help. Pound on pillows, take up kickboxing. You have to be normal-ish when the kids are around, but let it out when you can. Who can you talk to IRL?

Sleep. you are probably getting crappy sleep. Practice sleep hygiene and see your doctor if you really aren’t getting enough.

Explore apps like Calm or other meditation ones. They can be really helpful when you start spiraling. I remember doing 10 minute meditations in my car in the Target parking lot when I was a mess driving. I would go to a conference room and do them there at work, too. Your mind is on high alert- what it thought was safe (your WS) is not safe, so now it is looking all around full time for more danger. You need to give it a break.

I found it hard to concentrate too. So watching light movies (Pixar, comedies, etc) worked better for me than complex shows or movies that required concentration. Find what helps you. You need to take these little brain breaks where your brain can focus on something other than the A for a little while. Some find cleaning cathartic when that energy is there and you need to redirect yourself. Again, try things to see what works.

But even with all this, the dreaded four-letter word is TIME. Be kind and gentle to yourself. You ARE STRONG and your WILL GET THROUGH THIS. Hang in there. Keep posting. Reread those bulls-eyed posts and the healing library. And believe in yourself, You can do this.