SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am second guessing that by filing for divorce (27 yrs married and this was a total shock) I am giving my wayward husband just want he wants. I discovered he had a two year affair, is still with AP and has no remorse. Counselor and most advice to me was for me to put up my boundaries, go no contact. I’m have done that but now I’m thinking I am giving him exactly what he wants, his life free of responsibility (from house, kids ages 20 & 23) and he can be with AP whenever he wants. I am regretting giving him that satisfaction. I am also having suck a hard time that the other woman won, he picked her over me. That feels horrible. I was a good supportive loving wife and he screwed me over. I just don’t want him to have any happiness. I am 10 months out from the discovery and divorce is in process. We are living separately. This is just so hard to accept the injustice. I’m trying to focus on the future…struggling

But what is your alternative? I was M for 25 years, so I kinda get it.

But if he stayed M to you - would YOU be happy? No, you would not. You might have "won" but the prize would be a cheating husband who wanted to go off with the AP. If he stayed with you but was angry and still cheating and all that, both of you would lose.

the hard cold reality is if they want to be with the AP, then let them go. You cannot R with them, no matter how hard you try or how much you want it. His relationship with AP will be shallow, built on lies, and probably short-lived, but that’s his choice. His circus, his monkeys.

You, on the other hand, can HEAL. And build a new foundation and thrive. THRIVE. And I really believe that when you get more time and distance, you will see how unfulfilling and unbalanced and unhealthy your M was. And as you heal, you will find a new peace. And find yourself. The one you have contorted and twisted and buried for your M.

So let him win. It’s all booby prizes (pun intended) with no real substance. And meanwhile, you get to thrive with time.It sounds like he won, but what he wins is trash. But you will get something better- your self back.

it;s really hard - the hardest thing I have ever done. But I know that I did the right thing, and my life is GOOD.

Are you in IC? It really helped me. It helped me pull off the rose-colored glasses and see reality.

I wish you the best. You picked your name since lotuses grow from the mud, right? Good choice. You can get through this and thrive. Trust yourself.