SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I’ve been absent for a while and thought I’d give all of you, who’ve show so much support, an update. So I’ve been working like a dog the last couple months. Pains of my industry, feast or famine, right. Our dissolution is scheduled for Oct 16 so I now have a set destination to look forward to. I haven’t seen or spoken to my future EX in several weeks. Friends ask me how I’m doing and I describe what I’m feeling and their response mostly seems to be that I’m doing much better than they thought I’d be. Well, 20 months of IC, a renewed view of me self worth, a hard and honest analysis of my married years, and honestly, it makes it much easier to look forward to a much happier and satisfying life. I’ll tell ya, when the rose colored glasses come off, it’s a complete game changer. The last few months of IC has really turned me into a tour de force of motivated self betterment. I feel empowered and driven to make the best of my life and become the best version of myself that I’m capable of. You, my friends here, are a huge part of what I’ve become, and I’ll never forget you all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Like my new Facebook profile pic, I am the phoenix rising from the ashes! Hell yea!!!

Thanks for the update.

Here's the thing about IC: the best an IC can do is provide insight and advice. The client has to do the work of changing, and it isn't easy to change, so I urge you not to underestimate what you did in IC.

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Excellent update! Very happy to read of your changes. Certainly not easy to do. Always value yourself. Easy to say, more challenging to put into practice. Well done!

This was so reaffirming to read. Thank you for the update.

Sisoon, I completely understand what you are saying. Perhaps I should have put more focus on what you mentioned. It’s somewhat difficult to describe the change and how it began. I lucked out and found an IC who I believe is very skilled. My first IC was a nice guy, and he was comforting, but it didn’t lead me toward change. My current IC, she challenges me, she causes ME to have to think and understand me. She guides me through it all, but lets me self discover and expose the epiphanies that I keep finding. Once you begin down that path of self change, the only way I can describe it is a snowball rolling down a hill or a runaway train. It grows and picks up momentum. The feeling of positive change and growing self worth is addictive and fuels the desire and drive to push for more. I find myself not wishing any ill will against my soon to be ex, even though there’s plenty there to wish for Karma to engage in. I would like for to finally realize the damage and pain she inflicted more for her own self discovery, but I doubt she’ll ever have the capacity to learn that. I find 99% of my focus to be on continued self growth and the desire to be the best version of myself that I can be. I feel like if I can do that, the future for me has no limits on happiness and contentness.

Great update Copingmybest. It’s a very hard path you have traversed but you are coming out the other side now.

Here's the thing about IC: the best an IC can do is provide insight and advice. The client has to do the work of changing, and it isn't easy to change, so I urge you not to underestimate what you did in IC.

Great point Sisoon. I learned this not only for myself, but my WW. She struggled with IC. Her first one was useless and didn’t hold her accountable (our failed, horrible MC) and she didn’t give the second one anything to work with. I think she felt her role in IC was to just "show up". But then that was her whole approach to "doing the work". It was all "activities" with no "output". She would "read books, watch videos, go to IC". But when asked her takeaways, learnings or what she will do with the info, blank stare.

I tried to help her and have her develop goals for IC, help set and drive the agenda, tell the IC where she would like to focus and improve. She finally said she wasn’t getting anything out of IC (shit in/shit out) and stopped. That was pretty much the end of ALL work towards R as well.

IC is WORK for the patient (more so) as well as the counselor! They can’t just fix you on their own……