I'm quite embarrassed about this but I find myself a year and a half out and still completely stuck on this.
For context, my partner had a ONS with a woman in her early twenties while working away. This was at the beginning of 2024.
He's doing the work and all that, things are okay.
However, I have to admit, I have become completely obsessed with the AP. I check her instagram multiple times a day. She's blocked me (I didn't do anything, we spoke for a moment afterwards but I was never mean or anything like that, she just didn't want anything to do with it and didn't want to answer any questions I had) so I use one of those websites where you can view instagram stories for public accounts. I also have a different account that I'm not blocked on to look at her instagram.
I think I've tried to convince myself the reasoning for this is normal and it has changed over the year and a half since dday.
I think at first it was obviously curiosity. Who is the woman that managed to turn my loyal for nearly two decades partner's head all of a sudden? What's so great about her?
Then it just became a habit. I went through a phase where I tried to use her instagram as motivation to get myself in shape (not that I'm overweight or anything). She's a 'gym girl', all into her fitness so she's in good shape. I tried to use it to motivate myself to work out and look after myself but then when I didn't follow through I hated myself for it. Then I went through a phase where I thought, actually she's not all that great? She's attractive but not like out of this world stunning, she's just a normal looking young woman, there's nothing special about her. Then I was starting to pick apart her pictures - that bit looks edited, her make up hasn't been done well, this bit of hair is out of place, she does her lipstick in a weird way and it makes her lips look really dry and awful.
This is probably the most embarrassing side effect of the infidelity I've experienced and I cannot stop.
I've realised it's probably a way to try to control the situation, maybe? Like I look at her instagram and I know she's still in a country thousands of miles away and nowhere physically near me or my WS. But it makes me spiral constantly. One day she posted a video of herself in a hotel lobby, going in the elevator up to a hotel room, and that took me out for a good week, it was triggering as hell (They slept together in his hotel room and I imagined them going up to the room together with her looking like she did in the video, laughing and flirting). If she posts a photo where she looks great, I'll hate myself. If she posts a photo and I can pick something bad about it, I'll feel better, but then hate myself for feeling that way.
Like I said, I check multiple times a day, whenever I think of the infidelity, which is a lot.
Has anyone else had an issue like this?
I don't know if it's related but my dr suspects I have OCD. Could this just be a part of that? Or is it 'normal'?
I really want to stop doing it but feel like I can't for some reason.
I don't want how my days go to be based on how good she might look in her insta stories that day 
It makes me feel ridiculous.
