I am sorry this forum isn't mire active as I couldnaure use some support. If you read my post in just found out you'll know my husband has struggled with very weak houndaties off and on for years. I thought we recovered and reconciled in 2017/18. But over the past year I've discovered that while the behavior stopped it started again probably around 2023. What I thought was mildly innapropriate behviour turned out to be at least one interactive sexual encounter with someone he met on Facebook. He videoD it and I found the video through much digging persistence and sheer luck.
In dealing with this discovery from May I pressed and pressed him to face his behavior and find his why's. I insisted that he was not facing the truth of his own behavior. I dont know what i expected but I begged for the truth to be told because my gut was screaming that I didn't know everything.
Turns out I was correct. Two days ago he confessed without me having any inkling that he had been dealing with a porn addiction for years and years. Somewhat off and on but he has no idea of the dates. But he says it was at least 3 times a week and sometimes daily. This explains so much. The very long periods of no sex between us - For months and months and him rejecting my advances.
In some ways this confession is good becuase hes admitted something (finally!) That I didn't have to catch him or drag out of him. He's is also a totally change person in every way. And the changes coincide exactly with when he says he stopped using porn.
I am so in shock, I never suspected. He hid it well, in all my sherlocking I never found it. In our 40 years together I went back YEARS in his search history, searched all computers meticulously, searched his phone, his multiple email addresses and I found one vhs tape a gazillion years ago, one downloaded but deleted video probably 15 years ago. And one search in his search history for redtube.
With the other activities, i knew but I just never suspected this.
He swears he is completed done and has no desire ever to use again. He has agreed to try therapy and has changed so much. I love who he is now deeper than ever before, I am just so shocked he could hide a secret sexual life so well from me for so many years.
[This message edited by lizziej at 5:52 AM, Thursday, July 24th]
Oh heck no, here we go again this time with video :(.... the behaviour all makes sense now, he was a porn addict for 25 years.
