SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't look like my father, and my son does not look like me. I would NEVER trust a DNA Facial App. But I did test my father and mother on 23andme, because I wanted to use the "split view" in the DNA relatives feature for my own results (to find out if DNA relatives are from moms or my dads side). I think the Ancestry- & Health presentations from 23andme DNA results are quite cool. The technology still takes some baby steps of course (especially for the Health part), but it's extremely reliable for basic stuff (e.g. to verify if you share DNA/are related to somebody - the results of my mother and father for example were detected as my "parents" in my DNA relatives list).

I don't pretend to have any knowledge at all about facial features and parentage. I will tell you that my wife and I do not resemble each other at all. Among other things, we are different races, meaning different skin color, lips, noses, hair, etc., and she is much taller than I am (and her family is tall, whereas mine is short). Our son looks like my wife and her whole side of the family. Our daughter looks like my side of the family, and in particular my sister. Because of the racial differences, it's striking.

I think this is fairly common. I bear a lot of resemblance to my mother's kin; my sister favors dad's side. It's way more subtle for my sister and me, though, because my mother and father have a lot of common ethnic ancestry and are quite similar in overall physiognomy.

Why not be honest with your son. He is an adult and you could say the new software you were trying out says you aren't related. That you want to try one of the mail order 23andme style DNA tests.
He will appreciate your honesty and most likely comply. If you are worried he would tell your wife, what is the harm in that?
I find, trying to lie in a marriage, especially when you are stressed or confused, the foundation for why things might be rocky. If she flinches or tries to stop it, then proceed with more questions and ask for the test anyways. If she feels "hurt" that is ok. It shows you brought your concerns to her. Just don't let her completely put an end to this line of thinking without closing that book.

Before you do this (whether it's through a DNA ancestry kit or some other means), you need to ask and definitively answer these questions:

What is motivating you to consider this course of action? Why does it concern you now, at this stage of your life, that your son doesn't resemble you? What stopped you from DNA testing him when he was a child (and the stark difference in appearance first became apparent) or in the early 2000s, when the first at-home kits became available?

What do you stand to gain by finding out your son isn't yours? Is this knowledge worth the risks involved and the damage this revelation could cause? What will be your next course of action? Will you divorce your wife? Will you track down OM, and if you did, what would you do? Do you still want a relationship with your son, and if you do, in what ways do you think it will impact that relationship? How could this revelation impact your son's relationships with his mother and his sister? How would you feel if your son wanted to track down his bio-dad and potentially have a relationship with him or his family?

In short, don't start kicking over hornet nests if you don't have a really good reason to do so and you're not prepared to deal with whatever comes out of them.

Thanks for the replies.

At this point, I’m just going to move on and consider the results badly mistaken. I found a review where a reviewer noted that the app was entirety wrong on finding two people closely related when they were not related at all.

I do appreciate your time and your ideas.

Take care all.

Jeeezzzz…. I have spent about an hour researching facial "dna" apps and think you might have better luck gazing into a crystal-ball or reading chicken innards.
It’s (at best) reverse engineering where known facial-look-impacting DNA strains are used to predict the effects on the face. Using that knowledge they reverse-engineer to see if a certain "effect" can be reverse calculated to link to a certain DNA strain, and if the numbers for 2 people differ the "logical" conclusion is they aren’t related…

This based on someone shoving a mobile phone into a face and snapping a photo…
Thereby solving something the whole legal system, medical industry and more have solved using boatloads of cash with a one-time-payment app of 4 bucks or you settle for in-app adverts.

For example: One feature is based on a proportion that is calculated based on head-size. So your dinky phone can take a good-enough pic to compare two pictures to calculate 5-10 factors needed to figure head-size and then use the same photo to accurately measure the distance between the eyes…

Before fingerprints were understood there was a lot of work placed in connecting facial features to criminal behavior. That didn’t work either…
What next? Maybe I should develop the Fart-(d)na-lyzer that compares two smells and evaluates the relationship between the participants…

I find the topic fascinating. Why would you be looking into this 30+ years in the future unless there were niggly thoughts or feelings about paternity?

In terms of the App, I can be a bit skeptical and paranoid of new tech. I've wondered if apps like this and the facial age progression apps aren't large, user donated machine learning experiments.

Best of luck to you in whatever you do and learn.