My son lives in a town about an hour away. A few months back he got his second DUI. He went to rehab. He stopped drinking briefly. He is not on his mental health medication.
Several nights ago he called me and he and the girl that he is living with had a huge fight and he said he wanted to come home. He had been drinking… I’m not sure how much. My nephew drove to pick him up and take him to his house for the night. By 6 AM, he had talked to his girlfriend into coming to get him. She came to get him and took him back to her house.
Tonight, I got a phone call from the girlfriend that says that he has been drinking, is tearing up their house, and he hast to go. Then the mother calls me and says the same thing. That he has broken out windows and doors.
Then I get a call from him. But he won’t answer the phone when I say his name. He is just screaming back-and-forth with his girlfriend. The mother is calling me. Explained to the mother that there was nothing I could do. That I have my granddaughter with me for the next five days, and that I can’t have her be a part of all of this. I explained to her that the last time they fought, that her daughter went back to get him and bring him back into that home. And that he’s 30 years old and I can’t control him.
For an hour or more I’m just pacing in my room and then I hear my son in the hallway. My oldest son. He tells me that he got a phone call from my son involved in this mess. But he was very very calm and he told him that he did not know what to do, but that he was walking up and down the street, waiting for the right car to come by so he could jump out in front of it. He fully intended to kill himself. My oldest son tried to talk to him, but the other son hung up and disconnected his phone.
After trying to figure out what to do, my son called the police in the small town, where he lives, and told them what was happening. Explained what my son had said about killing himself. They took our name and number and said they would notify us "which ever way it went".
My oldest son told me that he was headed out to go drive up and down the streets of that town where he was living, but that he didn’t know where to go. I told him that I would go, but I have no idea about the town or where to look. We are worried that the police weren’t taking it seriously.
He came in my room just now and said that the police called and they had found him, and that they wanted my son to come and get him right away. I don’t know if that means that they are not going to arrest him for the damage he did to the girlfriend’s mother’s home.
So, my son has left to go and pick him up. My granddaughter was sleeping 50 feet away from me in her room. I have a rule that no one in my family… None of my children are allowed to come to my home under the influence or have anything to drink or any substance to take on my property. But my oldest has gone to pick him up.
He needs to be on mental health medication. He has had two or three… I think it’s three admissions to a psych facility in our town where they observe, and then release him after a weeks time.
I am telling my oldest son to try his best to get him to go to that psych facility tonight.
My oldest son has to go to work in about four hours. His daughter is here and will have to go through whatever my other son decides to do or however, he decides to act if he comes here.
I thank God he didn’t kill himself. I can’t bury someone else at all, much less so soon.
I don’t know how I’m going to protect my granddaughter. I don’t know how to help my son. He abhors me. I’m afraid being around me is going to make him angrier and more volatile.
I know that y’all can’t help me with any of this. Except maybe to make suggestions about how to handle the situation from this point forward.
I pray, my oldest can talk him into going to the psych unit for the evening.
I really am turning so very hard to live a life that matters after my husband‘s death. My oldest son and I are "roommates" now, as he lives here with me. And we have the best relationship we have ever had. My youngest son has served his time jail, but they won’t release him for reasons they don’t share. And now this with my middle child.
I don’t know how to help him or protect him. I don’t know how to choose between him and my granddaughter. I’m just really a terrible awful mess right now.
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