Riverswithfish (original poster new member #84441) posted at 4:50 PM on Tuesday, August 25th, 2026
I agree about rings. This was the first stretch of time I was without one in 22 years. I got a lot of questions at first, but then I just brought up my wife in conversations and it was no biggie. The triggering part for me when my WW doesn’t wear hers is that is one of the ways I caught her affairs. Saw a picture of her on a business trip: no ring. Later I find out she was trying out being divorced and picking up random dudes. Ick.
The latest struggle with in MC is around me needing to express myself without any emotion unless it is positive. I’m allowed to feel frustrated, just not express it.
I really don’t understand the idea behind this. It seems like whenever my WW is upset, she unloads on me. God forbid I get hurt by a thing she does…
BH, trying to R with WWDDay: 12/18/2023
fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 2:11 AM on Wednesday, August 26th, 2026
Keep working through the 12 steps of Al-anon. Is your WW sticking to sobriety. The MC squashing your ability to express your hurt and frustration is total crap of course. That is why MC is not recommended for those emerging from A. The goal of MC is to improve and maintain your M. But your M didn’t fail. Your WW failed you. And she needs to hear your pain and anger.
Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.
LittleMonk ( new member #86661) posted at 4:34 PM on Wednesday, August 26th, 2026
The latest struggle with in MC is around me needing to express myself without any emotion unless it is positive. I’m allowed to feel frustrated, just not express it.
I wonder if the therapist may be trying to communicate something a little different than how it is landing for you. My understanding of this kind of work is not that you are not allowed to feel or express emotion, but that learning to express it without becoming reactive can be incredibly powerful.
You can be angry without yelling, hurt without attacking, and sad without turning the conversation into a fight. Sometimes simply being able to say, "That really hurts me," or "I’m upset by what happened," in a calm way helps keep the focus on what you are actually feeling instead of on how it was expressed.
I really don’t understand the idea behind this. It seems like whenever my WW is upset, she unloads on me. God forbid I get hurt by a thing she does…
I would absolutely bring that part up in therapy too. If it feels like you are being asked to regulate your emotions while she is still allowed to unload hers onto you, that is worth exploring. Talk about what happens when she lashes out and what that does to you. The goal should not be for only one person to communicate safely.
- LM BH
"The hardest cage to sit in is the one where you hold the key, knowing exactly what freedom looks like on the outside."
